"Do you mean-" I cried.
"Is your own will so strong, then?" "But I was hoping-" Agatha opened her eyes. "Tut, tut! Why?" March 31. Mesmerized by Miss P. Yours faithfully "Well, you might put it that way."
"Do you mean-" I cried.
"Is your own will so strong, then?"
I like to register impressions while they are fresh.
"But I was hoping-"
I could almost believe the tales of obsession by evil spirits, so overmastering was the feeling. It will end, I can see, in my losing my professorship, but I will fight to the finish. (Note-book A. Well, I read this over now at my leisure, and I marvel at myself! At the seventh her lids began to droop. It was cosey and bright, with chintz- covered settees, colored hangings, and a thousand pretty little trifles upon the wall. They were gray in color,-gray with a shade of green,-and their expression struck me as being decidedly furtive. On the whole, perhaps, my wisest plan would be to postpone our other experiments until Wilson's return. Well, it will be a treat for Agatha, at any rate. I have been to the ball.
Agatha opened her eyes.
An instant later I struck the surface of the lakes, now joined into one, and down I went beneath the water with a fulness in my head and a buzzing in my ears. May the shadow, if shadow there must be, lie ever black across my life and leave hers in the sunshine. She shall not drive me out of it without a struggle. "Well," said she at last, "are you still of the same mind as when I saw you last?" Some of my colleagues might look askance at it, for science is full of unreasoning prejudices, but if Wilson has the courage of his convictions, I can afford to have it also. Twenty years were gone from her age. She is well again, for I hear that she was driving with Mrs. How sweet and gentle and soothing is Nature! I grudge any interruption of our experiments. Yesterday was a blessed day of quiet, and I enjoyed an uneventful night. But how about the next? She is looking so bright, so happy, so beautiful. Perhaps another chance may come.
"Tut, tut! Why?"
I can no longer attempt to conceal from myself that this woman has conceived a passion for me. She must prove and re-prove before I yield a point. I was rude, I fear, but I could not, no, I COULD not, trust myself another moment. There is something in the universe stronger than this devil woman with her tricks. My class was crowded with students who came to see and hear what the eccentric professor would do or say next. No heaviness or weariness was left behind. It was just after lunch, and I was smoking a cigarette in my study, when I heard the step of my servant Murray in the passage. It was the sound of Agatha's voice and the rustle of her dress which restored me. My brain is quite clear again now, and I can think over what has occurred. My troubles may be bad to hear, but at least it is better to hug them to myself than to have myself exhibited by Wilson, like a freak at a fair. "You want something positive, Gilroy," said he, drawing me apart into a corner. Even talking about it gives her color and life.
March 31. Mesmerized by Miss P.
I was languidly conscious that a second step was audible behind, and had hardly troubled myself to speculate who it might be, when suddenly a slight noise brought me out of my chair with my skin creeping with apprehension. This creature may weary of tormenting me, and then all may yet be well. His abandonment of Miss Penclosa is in itself a sign that he was never really in her toils. Then with a quick, commanding gesture she tossed up her arms and swept them slowly down in front of her. It was Agatha's boudoir. Mesmerized again. When the law cannot help a man, he may make a law for himself.
I was almost at the surface when the word "Awake!" rang through my head, and, with a start, I found myself back in the arm-chair, with Miss Penclosa leaning on her crutch, and Wilson, his note book in his hand, peeping over her shoulder. Last night was worse than before. What could I have been dreaming of? I look back at my account of my conversation with her, and I see how she declared that with a slight exertion of her will her subject would be conscious, and with a stronger one unconscious. "Really, Austin, I do not know what is the matter with you this morning. One would almost think that you doubted my word. If my boots are dusty, it must be, of course, that I have put on a pair which the maid had not cleaned." I wondered how much more Wilson had been telling her about me. If I were free, my course would be obvious. "I have never tried how far she is impressionable. Of course some people respond much more rapidly than others. May I ask how far your scepticism extends? I suppose that you admit the mesmeric sleep and the power of suggestion." The Mardens got to Wilson's before me. "You must consider our engagement at an end." An instant later she was gone, and, before I could recover myself sufficiently to follow her, I heard the hall-door close behind her. It was all so substantial, so material. On the one hand, I am very loath to abandon a series of experiments which have already gone so far, and which promise such brilliant results. Yes, I must tell them, even if it brings every thing to an end between us.
"Well, you might put it that way."
And presently, no doubt, thought I, she will inform me by occult means that I am engaged to a young lady with wheat-ears in her hair. I glanced at the clock and saw with sun rise that it was only half-past nine. I see that under yesterday's date I said: "If I could see something positive and objective, I might be tempted to approach it from the physiological aspect." Well, I have got my test. My head is aching, and I have written enough for to-night. Surmise and fancy have no place in my scheme of thought. Suddenly I was gripped-gripped and dragged from the couch. And, if the worst should happen, this diary remains as a proof of the goad that has driven me.
This site is a random collection of thoughts, ideas, sentances - which might have been written by A.C.Doyle in his "The Parasite".